I AM CURRENTLY 22 WEEKS PREGNANT AGAIN! I had my 14 year old daughter with help of forceps after being cut.?

18 months ago i had my son. I went into labour on my own, I got to 10 cm then it all went down hill. He was VERY distressed and I ended up having failed forceps then an emergency C section. I still have my hospital notes and when I shown them to the Midwife at my booking in for THIS pregnancy, her face dropped & she said she would referr me to VBAC clinic stating I have good grounds for SELECTIVE C? . She didn't say much else so I researched my notes and now I know. I lost 2000ml blood and haehmoraged and was in High Dependency THEY SAID ANYTHING AT 1000ml blood loss is cled as MAJOR! I LOST DOUBLE THAT!! My son was born with a APGAR of 2!! They say anything between 2-3 is FATAL!! I am now so worried. I am scared they will NOT allow me to have selective C and I am so scared something like this will happen again!! I am due to speak with Cunsultant in 3 weeks were they will look through notes and make a decision. AT first I did NOT want another C cos I am scared of the scaring/belly being worse!! AND the recovery is longer and I will have a 2 yeard old to look after too!! BUT now I have done my research and realised how bad things were I don't want any risk to my unborn baby. I have been told that there are chances I will end up having another ermergency if I attempt a l birth after energency C anyway and that the scar could rupture?? I am petrified and would like to known if anyone has been through anything silimlair?? Am I best trying for L birth, BUT what if something goes wrong and the same thing happens this time OR should I push for PLANNED C to avoid the risk of this happeneing again? Especially if the chances are I will end up having Emergeny C anyway?? What is they say I can't have one?? If they could gurantee i could have natural l birth and it will be ok then of course I would go with that but THEY can't can they cos anyting can happen and no one knows how things will go? I am worrying myself sick over this?? What is best option. What if Im not so lucky and risk natural l, end up with an emergency anyway then it was all wasted and therefore I am best going to Elective?? Also, if the chances are I will end up having emergency C, having a planned one is better as not rushed and therefore wouldn't the scar be neater?? I beleive they go into the old scar? Please help before I go mad!!!